I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
