Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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