ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
