I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
