She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
