fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
