Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
