I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
