The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
