So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
