Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
