I love black thongs
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
