You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
