i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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