Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
