Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just blew my weed a kiss
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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