my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
