worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
