i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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