My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
BRING THE BAGELS
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
