Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
