please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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