If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
