I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
