You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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