"it" just moved
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
