we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
