I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
