Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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