Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
