Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
