she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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