Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
