If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
