My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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