I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
