Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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