first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
