Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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