remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
