I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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