I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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