youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
