..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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