They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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