I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
