So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
