If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
