This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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