Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
smell my finger.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
