Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
