So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
