a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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