We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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