I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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